A cold room for a lonely and hungry girl in Kabul

By Sara* 

August 15, 2021 was a black day for me. I was at work in Kabul when the managers dismissed everyone at 11 a.m., saying that the situation was bad and we should go home as soon as possible.  

I returned to my small rented room. My room was dark. There was no one to talk to. The walls echoed with the sounds of fear. I closed the windows and drew close the curtains. I could not call anyone. I wanted someone by my side to comfort me and tell me that everything will be fine but fear made my body tremble. After a few hours, I had no idea what I was feeling. I was not hungry. I didn’t get thirsty, and I couldn’t fall asleep. I was just pacing in the room. Sometimes I rested my head on the pillow of my bed, only to get up again.  

I peeked out of the window in case the Taliban stormed into our apartment. I was a lonely girl in a lonely room with no family members with me. I was anxious. Even though I had been awake all night, I still couldn’t fall asleep. I didn’t have bread at home yet I couldn’t go and get it from the bakery. I was not hungry and so didn’t eat anything until the third day of the Taliban rule of Kabul. By then, I was tired, lying in my bed thinking what to do, where to go, and how to go. 

My neighbours are good people. A woman came to ask how I was, realizing that I have not eaten in these three days. She brought me food from her home. Even though I said I would not eat, she comforted me and made me eat. After some food, my hands and feet felt a little better and I realized that my low energy was due to a lack of food. I asked my neighbours to not tell the Taliban about me. I explained that I stay alone in Kabul because my family needs the money that I make through my work. They said, ‘You are a very good girl. You have become like a member of our family. Be confident that no one will tell anyone about you.’” 

I stayed in my room for a week. I was alone because two of my roommates, who were students of Kabul University, had gone to their home provinces.  

I stayed in Kabul because I am the sole breadwinner of my family of seven and had to work every day. Although I earned a degree from the faculty of economics in Bamyan University, I could not find a job in that province. In 2018, I moved from Bamyan to Kabul after getting a job at the head office of a non-governmental organization. My salary was 18,000 afghani a month, from which I deducted my expenses and sent the rest to my family in Bamyan. My father is old and doesn’t earn much as a farmer working on other peoples’ land. For the most part, it was only my salary that met the expenses of the family. 

For three years, I lived comfortably in Kabul. Then came August 2021. I went back to the office a week after the Taliban took over Afghanistan. My clothing had become the subject of discussion, although I wore hijab: apart from my eyes, no other part of my body was visible. I continued to work under the Taliban as I really needed the job and its salary.  

I spent a week living in fear when the Taliban started their house-to-house searches in Kabul. I didn’t know how brutally they would deal with me if they discovered that I don’t have a mahram and that I lived alone. Because of my apprehension, my father came to Kabul so we could return together to Bamyan. I was there for almost a month before deciding that I had to return to work at my NGO in Kabul.  

On December 25, 2022, the Taliban banned women from working at non-governmental organizations. The managers at my NGO announced that I was laid off until further notice and that they would contact me whenever the ban is lifted. 

I’m still in Kabul but my money is running out. I am looking for a job, since I lost my job, because I have to pay the rent for my room in Kabul. I am looking for a new job, but no one hires women anymore. I called home to ask if they could borrow money so I can pay my rent, but they can’t help and have already spent the money I sent back just before the Taliban banned women working at NGOs.  

Every night, I pray that I will find work again so I can pay my expenses and rent. Yesterday, I bought bread at the bakery. As I pay the bakery monthly, I get only enough to eat bread once a day. For the last three days, I’ve eaten just bread and tea. All I have left are two onions and a little oil. I don’t know how long I can endure like this. 

*Sara is the pen name of an educated unemployed woman in Kabul.